Will B., Old Pilgrim !

Alfa-Del Family Groups
 
for Families and Friends -Foes- of Persons whith Alcoholism
Disordered, neurotic, dysfunctional persons
Chronic hereditary brain dysfunction
Schizophrenia and Related Disorders

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Compete and Enabler | Leave or Stay | Enabler? | Just for Today WebRing


Compete and Enabler

C ompete was the first delegate in her Area (what a honnor!). This was over 35 years ago. She was never elected anywhere after that but she is still pulling strings "in the shadow", in the background of her Area while being accountable to no one. She is more influential at the Area World Service Committee than the very Officials that have been presumably elected at the Area Assembly. How useful is it to elect puppets at Area Assemblies? Asked about this, Compete tells us (she too!) that "ordinary members don't have to know that!"

 Death as Carnival Queen! Compete is all grateful for AFG. She believes absoluteluy no one after her would ever be as competent as she to do as much for AFG. These will not survive after her departure! The matter is that Compete never took responsability for her mariage failure (nor for her sexuality) and she never ceased blaming men for that. How pityful!

 Enabler, OBMH Meanwhile her superwoman friend Enabler stirs a lot of air and wind to attract teenagers to AFG. No way will she think of attracting men to AFG for she hates them all eternally and will accept none but those she can dominate, use, manipulate, control or manoeuver. If there is no room for men in this "wonderful" Fellowship (barely 12% in 2003), is there room for teenagers? Let's keep it simple, no room for men means no future for this Fellowship. Or must one be a hypocrite? Yea! Men are monsters, pedophiles and all, and Enablers are saints and carnival queens! When servants do not do what Compete and Enabler expect them to do... How shameful!

Compete and Enabler had a negative experience with their ex-husbands who died meanwhile. They believe all men whithout exception are like the only one they have ever known. They hate women just about as much as they do men. Who do they hate the most? ... Compete and Enabler have lost touch with reality and this is called schizophrenia!.

Drunkenness, mental drunkenness ans psychosis

Speaking about schizophrenia... Imagine someone who is drunk in a Alcoholics Anonymous Convention and believes he/she is not an alcoholic... Imagine Compete who never took responsability for her mariage failure and has never finished settling accounts with men. Is she not in a state of mental drunkenness? Is she not emotionaly drunk? Dry drunk? How long has she been that way? Is it a psychotic episode or is it chronic psychosis? Suffice it to say that chronic psychosis is called...

Schizophrenia

Three schizophrenics thought they were Jesus! One day, a nurse decided to gather all three of them in one room. "Now, he said, you guys are going to tell me which of you three is the real Jesus!" He thought they were going to quibble, but not at all, they started laughing and laughing, all four of them had great fun. Which of the four was the craziest? If you think a schizophrenic is someone who thinks he is someone else, there is no need to go to a mental hospital to see that! One has only to get involved in the AFG service structure! There is an ongoing carnival! How many Enablers in the AFG service structure think they are carnival queens? They are ideal partners for alcoholics! Just gather any two of them in the same place at the same time, they will argue like hell and this will be no fun!


Two women founded AFG in the early fifties in USA. I believe they should have brought a man along with them right from the beginning. This would have made the image of that Fellowship much more realistic and positive. But since history cannot be undone, other means will have to be found to change the public image of this "wonderful" Fellowship from that of a WASP-WC (White Anglo-Saxon and Protestant Woman's Club!) to what it ought to be. Otherwise, if nothing is done to change that men-monsters mentality, one may wonder what there will be left of AFG in 15 years from now.

In spite of all the suffering that men and women induce to each other, I believe men and women are made to walk the path together or else...


To Leave or to Stay

 lysor T wo teenagers told each other about their future plan. "What are you going to be in life?" The first one used to say he would stay in his hometown, finish school, get a specific skill, get married, have children, raise his family, etc. The other teenager rather whished to leave his hometown, travel around the world and have experiences and adventures of all sorts: spiritual, sexual, professionnal, etc.

Both teenagers lived up to their dreams. The first one stayed in his hometown, got a degree, got married, raised his family, etc. The other teenager went traveling and working abroad in many far-away countries, had numerous spiritual, sexual and professionnal experiences, etc. Eventualy, he came back to his native hometown.

The two mature men then told each other their personnal story. "What have you done in life?" The first one said he stayed in his hommetown, finished school, had a trade, raised his family, etc. The other one said he went traveling and working abroad in many far-out countries, had numerous mystical, sexual and professionnal experiences, etc.

By the nearing end of their journey, both had done what they had planned, had to overcome each his trials, etc. None was any happier nor any unhappier than the other and yet years had gone by... (For details see: Herman Hesse, Siddharta, 1923)

"Love and do what you will"
...inasmuch as you do it with love!
-- Saint Augustine

Slogans, personnal stories, gratitude - Conventions, Magazine, GSO - Everything passes by...


Are you an enabler?

 lysor Do you have a friend who is hopeless at budgeting and you're constantly lending her ten dollars here and twenty dollars there? Do you have a spouse with an alcohol problem and you phone his or her boss to call in sick instead of making them do it themselves? Do you constantly take on extra duties each time your older teen has an assignment due instead of allowing them to feel out of control themselves? If the answer is a resounding "Yes" then you could be an enabler.

So what is an enabler? An enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet inadvertently assists the person with the problem to persist with their detrimental behaviors.

Let's have a look at Clare's life. Clare has a daughter who is in her second year at college and lives at home. Clare's daughter Sian has always had a habit of leaving things to the last minute. This started when Sian was a child but Clare just thought it was a form of childish behavior and that she would grow out if it. But she didn't and the reason was that Clare wouldn't allow her too. Of course, Clare didn't see it that way, nor did she imagine that she was "hurting" her daughter in any way.

But Sian always left her assignments to the last minute right through school and would call on Clare to "help her out" by looking up material for projects on the internet on the night that the assignment was due. Now that Sian is at college, the pressure is really on. Often Sian cries because she has too much work to complete in too little time, and it is now Clare's job not only to console her daughter and settle her down, but to proof-read and type out her assignments in a desperate bid to get them in for the 9am deadline. Often Clare and Sian will be up together till 1am doing Sian's assignments. At first, Clare felt a sense of "togetherness" and "mother-daughter" bonding. Now she just feels used and frustrated.

Andrew's best friend has a drug habit that over the last twelve months has started spiraling out of control. Never good with managing money even when they were kids, Andrew often lent Justin money for candy or magazines. Now he's lending him money for life essentials, such as milk and bread. Andrew knows that his friend is spending the bulk of his money on drugs and there's little left for food and bills. Recently Justin asked Andrew for $60 as it was Justin's mother's birthday. Andrew has known Justin's mother most of his life and felt he had no option but to hand over the cash. After all, he couldn't deny Justin's mother a present, could he?

Jillian's husband James has been an alcoholic for over a decade. Embarrassed, she covers for him when he is hungover, telling people he has a virus. She also phones in to her husband's work and lies that he is sick when he is really passed out in bed.

These people are all unwitting victims. They are trying to help their loved ones. Instead they are actually allowing their loved one to keep acting out their detrimental behaviors. They are taking responsibility for the bad behavior themselves, instead of handing the responsibility right back where it belongs: in the hands of Sian, Justin, and James, and thousands of others just like them. By allowing Sian to fail a subject, by refusing to get Justin out of a financial bind, by insisting that James calls in sick himself, they will begin to change the dynamics of their relationships with these people.

Those who find themselves in situations where alcohol is an issue would find Al-Anon meetings useful. Other "User-Enabler"-type situations benefit by the enabler refusing to meet the needs of the user. Be prepared for abuse, arguments, and unpleasantries of all forms.

When an enabler decides to stop "helping", relationships invariably become difficult as the enabler becomes a target for rage, pleading, and emotional blackmail. This is the time to stand firm. It's not easy, but if you love your friend or family member, it is the best gift you can give them. Making them take responsibility for their actions is the only way that your friend or family member can begin to change their lives. If your friend ultimately decides to move on because you refuse to comply with their endless requests, they were never your friend in the first place. They were only using you. They may stay in your life, or they may go. Either way, you win.

mental-health.families.com


What happens to children of alcoholics (often
as hyperactive as alcoholics) when they're grown up?

Click ChADD, click ADDA, click ADD Res, click Amen, click...


According to WSO, AFG members are members for an average of five years. There are exceptions who establish themselves in Area backgrounds ad nauseam æternam till ordinary members who have been "trustful servants" for a while end up most of the time doubting the relevancy of these Groups, the concept of which -- which originates in very ancient times (Buddhists, Franciscans, Stoicians, Pythagoreans, etc.) -- is most often imported, at least in Quebec, without discrimination. I subscribed to AFGs for 27 years! I would not have survived anywhere else for there were but very few mental health resources in those days. Residual schizophrenia? It took all these years for me to understand! Nonetheless, for whatever it is, you may give it a try just for the fun of it while this Web site is still alive. -- Gulemo

Charles Bufe by Rebecca Fransway

Question and Answer...

  Alcoholics Anonymous: Cult or Cure?
Diseasing of America
and... More Revealed...

Note: There are "secular" or "rational" alternatives to 12-Step Recovery Programs; search for "Rational Recovery" or "Secular Recovery" in search engines: Resisting 12-Step Coercion | Addiction Recovery Guide | All Addictions | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | etc. -- YouTube!


Alfa-Del Family Groups
 
for Families and Friends -Foes- of Persons whith Alcoholism
Disordered, neurotic, dysfunctional persons
Chronic hereditary brain dysfunction
Schizophrenia and Related Disorders

Note: Let's keep simple! What happens to "have-been" delegates once they are wise enough not to pull strings for the rest of their life in their Area background? Some may join Tai Chi Chuan which is quite interesting an alternative to Alfa-Del Family Groups. See also: CMHA.

Ontario South (Canada)

Ontario North (Canada)

Note : There are alternatives to AFGs such as the Canadian Mental Health Association.

"If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."
Szasz T. The Second Sin (1973) Garden City, NY: Anchor/Doubleday


Recovery WebRing [January 2007, Just for Today WebRing] -- Lisa, Will you hear a different drummer? I was involved in service for nearly 12 years during the nineties, mostly in the Quebec East Area. I've seen the good side of service. I've seen also the not-so-good side of it - manoeuvering, politicking, silencing, etc. I wish to testify for all of it as there are always two sides to a medal. -- I believe Canadian AFG should have a GSO of its own as is the case in 32 countries around the world - or even two GSOs as in Belgium and Switzerland, one for each official language. Two countries only - Canada and US - do not make a "World" Service Conference, the real WSC being the "International" General Alfa-Del Service Meeting (IAGSM). -- Also there are barely 10% men in AFG (2006 stats) - all of them "pedophiles, separatists, mentaly ill and crooks ". Let's stop that. Men are no monsters. Women are no saints nor carnival queens! I believe that something will have to be done to change the WASP-WC image of AFG (White Anglo-saxon and Protestant Women's Club!). -- If these changes will not occur, I wonder what there will be left of this "wonderful" Fellowship in 15 years from now. -- Yours in Fellowship, -- Gulemo

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